Will you please fucking talk to me? I don’t know what I did to make you not want to talk to me. I apologized for fucking up the other day, & I wanted to talk about that. I want you to understand how terrified I am of losing you. Every single time you’re in my life, you walk away. I’m sorry that I think everything negative that you post is about me, but you have to understand why I do…I feel like after everything we’ve been through I would be the only one that they would be about. I don’t feel like I’m important enough to you for you to keep me around, because now it’s obvious to me that you won’t. We haven’t spoken in days, and believe me it’s not that I haven’t tried. You’re blatantly ignoring me, & I’ve done nothing to deserve that. All I’ve done is cared about you. All I’ve ever done is cared about you.You would think after the five years I’ve spent waiting around you’d get that.
It’s obvious I’m not worth it, I’m not worth anything. I don’t even get a “fuck you, I don’t like you, don’t talk to me.”
Anything would be better than being ignored.
Today I learned that opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. But sometimes, people should keep their opinions to themselves, because if I wanted to hear an asshole speak, I’d fart.
So this month I get to deal with my mom’s first birthday without her, and my second father’s day without him. Gotta love it. I hate this. Everything has just been pissing me off so much lately. I need to go out, I need to have a good time, and I need to laugh. Too bad I only have like one friend now who actually cares about me and doesn’t drive me up a wall.
I never would of thought two years ago that I am where I am today. I never thought I’d have to live life without both of my parents, I never thought I wouldn’t be attending a physical school; I used to be so close with so many different people….now everything is different. My parents are gone, I attend online school, and I have like one friend. It’s crazy how much things can change, no matter how much effort you put into keeping things the same. I’m trying to do what’s right for me, & I guess somewhere along the way I lost people, I lost time, I lost some of the things that meant everything to me. But I’m trying, I’m putting my best foot forward, and I’m trying to better myself. I’m doing what I feel is right for me. Yes, I miss what I had two years ago, but with all these curve balls my life has thrown me….I feel like I’m handling it pretty good, far better than I ever would of expected, I never knew I was this strong, I never knew I had this much in me.
I love going to the gym.
What I will never even begin to understand is how someone can sit there and bitch about their parents….to someone who’s lost both of her parents.
You only get one pair of parents. That’s it. Love them while you can because you never know what’ll happen tomorrow. Tomorrow doesn’t come for everybody, and I realized that too late. I hate that I only realized how much I love my mom and my dad while I was watching them wilt away to nothing on their deathbeds.
Cherish them while you have them because tomorrow is never guaranteed. Trust me, you WILL realize how much you love them eventually, and sometimes eventually is too late.
To me, hearing that I’m beautiful means that you’re looking at my personality and my appearance.
Hearing that I’m hot or sexy means that you’re looking solely at my appearance.
I’d rather be valued for my appearance rather than for just how I look.
I hate when people bitch about their parents. & if you’re going to bitch about them, don’t bitch to someone who’s lost both of them. This might sound dumb, but I’d love to be able to argue with my parents, and have them yell at me. I would KILL for that. So before you start bitching about your situation, stop and think about how good you have it.
IT COULD BE WORSE.